If you give a mouse a cookie, he’s going to ask for a glass of milk. If you give a moose a muffin, he’ll want some jam to go with it. If you watch Where the Wild Things Are, you’re going to feel extremely compelled to construct a colossal fort, where you and your friends can all “sleep together in a real pile.”

That’s not a generalization—it’s a matter of fact. Every single person I know that’s seen Where the Wild Things Are has absorbed just enough youthful inspiration to build (or at least to strongly consider building) his or her very own fort, crafting a nationwide network of dining room table/sofa cushion architects/conquistadors.

The great thing about forts is that anybody can enjoy them—not just the six-year-old versions of ourselves reading Green Eggs & Ham under the kitchen table with our Beanie Babies. They’ve no boundaries, (except, of course, those with “Girls only. Boys KEEP OUT” signs affixed to them), no creative limitations, and are absolutely cost-free (it’s all on the House).

Of course, there are a few things to keep in mind when building and operating a truly authentic, homemade citadel.

Chateau du Castle

First and foremost, you must be realistic. Take a survey of plausible resources and available surface area. This prevents the foreseeable disappointment when you realize that you can’t seem to replicate the Kubla Kahn with a 101 Dalmatians sleeping bag and a beer pong table in your linen closet.

Next, it’s important to use only reliable props. For example, a partially out-stretched futon is flimsy and liable to snap and potentially wound an innocent fort patron. Instead, recommendable materials include sofas, table and chair sets, or the building block furniture confined to cramped campus dorm rooms. For extra creativity points, try stringing some Christmas lights (but remain wary of fire hazards).

Once inside the fort, I don’t recommend consumption of alcoholic beverages, for a number of reasons, a few being that you’re liable to bump your head, compromise the fort’s construction, or tarnish your innocent childhood memories with the lingering stench of loose morals and cheap beer.

To maximize relaxation inside the fort, line the floor with pillows and cushions. Don’t forget blankets, especially if you plan to sleep there, and even if you think spooning with your buddies will keep you warm enough—it won’t, trust me!

Aside from snuggling and napping, forts are venues for many enjoyable activities. I suggest dragging in a small television and watching a movie—The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Aladdin—it’s up to you and your guests. Inner-fort storytelling is also a must, but be careful not to invite the friend that talks for hours and hours without really saying anything.

Keeping these tips in mind ensures supreme fort functionality. Enjoy!

Peace,
Molly

Molly Ann Blakowski majors in English and jumps in puddles.